Snacks Across the Pond

15th March 2009

Bounty Without Mutiny – The Best Kind of Bounty

Filed under: Biscuits/Cookies, From the UK, Savoury, Sweet, Sweets/Candy — Tags: , — Burrage @ 7.26 am

I feel that my entries are staring to take on a vaguely familiar tone, for which I feel I should apologize, but then again why should I? It’s a free country! Damn you all to hell, and so forth.

First, as is increasingly the custom, I am sorry the lag between arrival of goodies and their subsequent review is so gigantically enormous, and second, I must say yes sir! What an impressive bounty of confectionery! I’m both grateful and impressed, and although I fear I will suffer massive weight gain seeing this review through to the end, I will stick to my task because that’s the kind of guy I am – weird.

Onwards!

1. Pork Crackles, Mr Porky

Ages ago, I read a joke in either The Times or Viz that went something like, “try to chat up girls who eat pork crackle, because it shows they’re willing to stick something salty, bristly, and unhygienic in their mouths”. Ha ha! I didn’t really get it, but never mind because any endorsement of pork crackle, no matter how obtuse is OK by me because these things are really tasty. Salty though, that’s for sure. Holy shit!

2. Drumstick, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Not chicken, ice cream nor musical instrument, but a chewy sweet lolly (as the wrapper says). I don’t know why they’re called a Drumsick because they look like no kind of drumstick I know. Nor do they taste like any kind of drumstick I know, but that’s OK because they are nice, a sort of sweetie strawberry and cream kind of flavour. Sweet. And chewy; definitely chewy. I don’t know the right name for the consistency but it is firm and almost plastic-like, like a Redskin or Fantale. But on a stick.

3. Love Hearts, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

These are brilliant – I honestly have not seen these in Australian shops but for some reason they are quite familiar – small disks imprinted with a heart shape and saucy message – for example, we have Cute Kid, You’re Gorgeous, Dream Boy, Gee Whiz, and I Love You And Will Stalk You Till The Day One Of Us Is Dead (reduced font). Slightly fizzy, like sherbet, but with a milder, fruity flavour.

4. Orange Fizzy, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

These look a bit like a glass marble – smooth, transparent exterior, like a standard boiled sweet, but a twist of something else in the centre – something sinister lurks within, mayhap. I’m still sucking it as I type, so will revisit this once I’ve hit the middle.

UPDATE: Nope, nothing. A slight change in taste, but not the fizz explosion I was expecting – a blessed relief actually, as I’m feeling a bit delicate today. Perhaps a dud? I’ll try another.

UPDATE II: Here we go! A gentle fizz. Nice. I like these.

5. Jammie Dodgers, Burton’s Foods Limited

These were actually the first to be devoured when I opened the box, because we had no biscuits in the house and I felt like a biscuit. Very fortuitous. Shortbready biscuit with jam in the middle. Quite nice, good sort of no-nonsense biscuit one might have with a cup of tea.

6. Fig Rolls, Jacob’s

Likewise an excellent accompaniment to a cup of tea, Jacob’s Fir Roll is a pillow-shaped, softer biscuit than the Jammie Dodger with a figgy centre instead of jam. I quite liked these. The packet also displays some congenial input from the proprietor, which (to me) demonstrates a certain about of pride in the product. Well done, Mr or Mrs Jacobs! Fore example, it reads “a good source of fibre”. This is good – I am a great advocate of foods that contain some level of goodness that can at least partially absolve your guilt as you consume them. (I often regale strangers in pubs with my theory that brewers should manufacture a beer rich in vitamin C, for this reason.) “How do Jacob’s get the Figs into the Fig Rolls?” it adds. With a machine I should imagine, but for some reason the packet does not provide an answer.

7. Mr Chews, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

A colourful wrapped reveals a colourful Drumstick-like sweet but not on a stick. Similar in taste and consistency to the Drumstick, but subtly different, I can’t put my finger on it. Wait – is that a hint of marzipan? No of course it isn’t, how stupid would that be. Mr Chews also have a “Mr Men” character on the front which made me wonder how they avoided copyright infringement notices from the estate or Roger Hargreaves. I can only surmise they bought the rights for the Mr Chews character off a tobacco company, perhaps.

8. Generic Boiled Sweet, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Good, no-nonsense fare from the Swizzels Matlow people. Basically a boiled sweet. Well, it is a boiled sweet, no basically about it; like a Barley Sugar. No name though. I suggest the “Bastard”.

9. Climpies, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

“Climpies”? What sort of a name is that? What sort of a name is the Bastard then, you might well ask, and that is a damn good question. I won’t try to answer – I know when I’m beaten. The Climpie is a tiny, round softish boiled sweet, with a fruity flavour. It comes in a pack of four, and are quite addictive. I like these too.

10. Fizzers, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Fizzers are similar to Love Hearts in that they are small, disk-like sweets with a slightly fizzy feel on the tongue, like sherbet thought milder. No encoded messages though, not that I can see anyway.

11. Fruity Pops, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

The Fruit Pop is a fruit flavoured boiled sweet on a stick with a slightly tangy flavour. It looks like a Chupa Chup though with a brittle, harder consistency. Nice taste though – I think this would be amongst my favourites.

12. Parma Violets, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Similar in appearance to the Fizzers, although violet in colour, and with a distinctly non-fizzy taste. According to some information I found on the web they have “violet” taste. I can’t really confirm or deny this. Definitely a milder taste than the Fizzers, but I think I would go for the Fizzers or Love Hearts over these.

In conclusion, I once again express my thanks for this latest box of goodies, and would offer my picks of the bunch as Pork Crackles, Orange Fizzy, Fig Rolls, Climpies, and the humble Fruity Pop. They are a credit to your fine nation, and not least to the fine people at Swizzels Matlow – well done, sirs and madams! Anyway I shall endeavor to ensure that the next batch of stuff from Australia meets this high standard, but until it arrives, good day and God bless.

9th June 2008

Australian Kit Kats

Filed under: Biscuits/Cookies, From Australia, Sweet — Tags: , — Philip @ 6.22 pm

A little while back, after Burrage had scoffed down a Kit Kat or two from the UK, I asked if there was any difference between UK and Australian Kit Kats. Burrage dutifully sent me some of the Australian variety to try out and compare for myself.

To avoid any potential bias against the inferior Australian product, I’ll endeavour to create a blind taste test for myself. Unfortunately, teaching my cat the scientific method has proven to be too difficult in the past, so I am performing the experiment on my own. This has its own complications. I do not have a third-party to trust to offer me the Kit Kat snack without telling me its origin, leading me to create my own method.

I take an Australian Kit Kat and a UK Kit Kat and unwrap them. To prevent accidental bias I throw the wrappers away, put both Kit Kats in a big bag, and twist the bag around several times. Now I take several deeps breaths until I am a little light-headed and can’t quite remember why I was holding a bag, let alone which Kit Kat comes from which country. This is such genius it has to work, there is no potential for any bias here.

Of course, half-way through the second tasty Kit Kat, its crunchy wafers each wrapped in chocolate, and the whole bundle then covered with even more chocolate, split in to several fingers to multiply the delicious snack by four, I realise that if I cannot tell which Kit Kat comes from which country I cannot feasibly compare the two directly. All I can say is one is better than the other, or not. I probably shouldn’t have thrown the wrappers away, and instead placed the snacks on the face-down wrappers and mixed them up a bit.

That’s something to learn for the next time, mostly because I only had the one UK Kit Kat and I can’t be bothered to go and get another one. Luckily, Burrage sent me two Kit Kats, as well as a strawberry Kit Kat! Yum! I’ll just have to make up any differences I perceive and hope I get lucky.

The long preamble should probably highlight that the UK and Australian Kit Kats are identical as far as I can tell, from the colour and shape of the packet to the four fingers inside. The branding on the chocolate-coated wafer fingers also suggests I should go back and edit all of my references to Kit Kats to remove the hyphen, although you won’t notice the change.

Australian Kit Kats are also constructed in a similar fashion to the UK variety, with multiple layers of wafer sandwiched together by chocolate, then the wafer fingers coated with even more chocolate. As for the taste, I don’t think there’s much in it. I think the Australian Kit Kat has sweeter chocolate, or maybe the chocolate has a different texture; maybe both. It’s certainly at least as tasty as a UK Kit Kat, and I certainly wouldn’t feel homesick for these should I ever move to Australia.

There’s something peculiar on the packaging, called the Nutritional Compass, which is trademarked. The Nestlé website does it more credit than I would give it on the Kit Kat packaging, as the compass doesn’t appear to point to any nutritional information at all, just some blurb about believing in balance. That is, it doesn’t point at nutritional information if you have split the packet along the length of its spine and laid it flat on a desk.

The Kit Kat expanded wrapper, showing the Nutritional Compass(TM)

With the packet whole one point of the compass does indeed point towards the ingredients and nutrition information.

The Kit Kat expanded wrapper, showing a more sensible Nutritional Compass(TM)

There’s not much more to say about the packaging, apart from the little man encouraging proper disposal of the Kit Kat wrapper is a Kit Kat ‘K’, which is a nice touch.

I mentioned above that Burrage sent me a strawberry flavoured Kit Kat too, which is something I haven’t seen over here in the UK! It has ‘NEW’ emblazoned on the pink packaging, which suggests it is not something Australia has had for long, as well as reassuring me that it’s not here yet as I probably would have spotted something so pink sitting on the shelf.

The packaging shows the normal Kit Kat single wafer being broken in two, but with a pink filling that is more suggestive of Turkish Delight than a strawberry wafer. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. And before I tuck in to some strawberry chocolate, there is a Nutritional Compass(TM) on the back of this packaging too, except this time there really is no arrow pointing towards the nutritional information below it!

The Strawberry Kit Kat, showing the Nutritional Compass(TM) lacking a south

I would be surprised if someone managed to delete the arrow when they just needed to flick the switch from ‘red’ to ‘pink’, although it would be fun to think that the exploded packaging on the CAD screen led someone else to think that the arrow was pointing in to thin air, much as I did, and that’s why it got deleted. Heads will roll!

Opening the packet brings a satisfying smell of fake-strawberry flavour to my nostrils. There is not much of a hint of pink yet, just the normal brown chocolate staring back at me, tempting me to bite in to it. Which I shall do!

Well, what do you know, it’s just like a normal Kit Kat but with a hint of strawberry mixed in with the chocolatey goodness, and a stronger aftertaste of strawberry. This is good, but not a particularly exciting difference overall. The wafers are indeed coloured pink, but not terribly noticeable for it, and I would be more inclined to choose this Kit Kat over the regular version were the chocolate itself pink. I suppose the pink packaging is enough of a difference for the Nestlé boffins. I would be happy only to have normal Kit Kats, although this pink strawberry one would make a change every now and again.

In conclusion, Kit Kats are good on at least two continents. Yum!

10th December 2007

Oreos

Filed under: Biscuits/Cookies, From the US, Savoury, Sweet — Philip @ 10.15 pm

I know Oreos. I have never had them before, but I know of them. I know that they were invented in Baltimore and had a baseball team named after them. They are so famous that Philip J. Fry makes Oreos in the future. Whilst I haven’t eaten Oreos themselves I am aware of the general concept, that of a creamy filling sandwiched between two biscuits to form a crunchy, creamy experience, similar to the chocolatey Bourbons or buttery Custard Creams over here. Oreos seem to be half-way between the two, with chocolate biscuits encasing a light-coloured centre.

How to try them. I could peel the biscuit off the creamy centre and taste the parts individually, or I can crunch in to a whole Oreo and have the complete experience. I shall try the whole Oreo experience to start with.

My, that’s a dark biscuit. It doesn’t smell particularly chocolatey for something so dark, it has a rather pleasant biscuit smell. I also have a sneaking suspicion that Ebony and Ivory was written for this biscuit, and all that talk about pianos was a diversion to hide a sweet tooth.

Crunch crunch! Hmm, there’s not much taste when first bitten in to, but, my goodness, there is certainly some strong taste a few chews in, and it lingers. That’s quite powerful. I’m not entirely convinced I can taste the creamy centre, such is the strength of the biscuit and the thinness of the centre. Needs more creamy goodness! I can see why people peel these apart to eat the sections separately. Our own Custard Creams and Bourbons at least have enough filling to be tasted alongside the biscuit. Or maybe the biscuit is blander, which is probably true of the Custard Cream. Anyway, time to press on!

It occurs to me that the creamy centre offers two advantages. One is that it cushions the bite against the crunchy biscuit. The other is to soften the palate with its creaminess before the heavy chocolate biscuit taste kicks in. Mind you, the strength of the biscuit peters slightly with subsequent bites, or maybe it’s dulled my taste buds more than a vindaloo could.

Let me try the components separately. Before I do that, a quick diversion. The packaging is quite neat, with an easy open pull tab that actually both opens easily and reseals effectively, which I noticed when plucking a second biscuit from within. I am suitably impressed! This is technology that we could borrow over here. Although I have to admit to being a little ignorant of the state of the British biscuit packaging I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that a biscuit tin or jar is still required to decant all the biscuits of a pack in order to keep them fresh. The Oreo packaging is a neat, self-contained unit.

Back to the biscuit itself. Twisting the biscuits with opposite torque pulls the two biscuits apart from the creamy filling glue with little effort, although the centre adheres to both bits of the biscuit and is not found whole on one half. Scraping the filling off and tasting it reveals it to be mostly tasteless but sweet, with more of a fondant texture than the creamy fillings I’m used to here. It may simply be a sweet counterpart to the bitter biscuit, let me see. Yes, that seems about right. That’s a strong biscuit, and any flavour in the filling would be lost when eaten as a whole. I’m sure I couldn’t eat too many of the biscuits without the filling either. The two halves seem quite enough by themselves, and the filling by itself doesn’t really do anything for me. The Oreo as a whole is pretty tasty, but I think I’d prefer a Bourbon to be honest.

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