Snacks Across the Pond

15th March 2009

Bounty Without Mutiny – The Best Kind of Bounty

Filed under: Biscuits/Cookies, From the UK, Savoury, Sweet, Sweets/Candy — Tags: , — Burrage @ 7.26 am

I feel that my entries are staring to take on a vaguely familiar tone, for which I feel I should apologize, but then again why should I? It’s a free country! Damn you all to hell, and so forth.

First, as is increasingly the custom, I am sorry the lag between arrival of goodies and their subsequent review is so gigantically enormous, and second, I must say yes sir! What an impressive bounty of confectionery! I’m both grateful and impressed, and although I fear I will suffer massive weight gain seeing this review through to the end, I will stick to my task because that’s the kind of guy I am – weird.

Onwards!

1. Pork Crackles, Mr Porky

Ages ago, I read a joke in either The Times or Viz that went something like, “try to chat up girls who eat pork crackle, because it shows they’re willing to stick something salty, bristly, and unhygienic in their mouths”. Ha ha! I didn’t really get it, but never mind because any endorsement of pork crackle, no matter how obtuse is OK by me because these things are really tasty. Salty though, that’s for sure. Holy shit!

2. Drumstick, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Not chicken, ice cream nor musical instrument, but a chewy sweet lolly (as the wrapper says). I don’t know why they’re called a Drumsick because they look like no kind of drumstick I know. Nor do they taste like any kind of drumstick I know, but that’s OK because they are nice, a sort of sweetie strawberry and cream kind of flavour. Sweet. And chewy; definitely chewy. I don’t know the right name for the consistency but it is firm and almost plastic-like, like a Redskin or Fantale. But on a stick.

3. Love Hearts, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

These are brilliant – I honestly have not seen these in Australian shops but for some reason they are quite familiar – small disks imprinted with a heart shape and saucy message – for example, we have Cute Kid, You’re Gorgeous, Dream Boy, Gee Whiz, and I Love You And Will Stalk You Till The Day One Of Us Is Dead (reduced font). Slightly fizzy, like sherbet, but with a milder, fruity flavour.

4. Orange Fizzy, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

These look a bit like a glass marble – smooth, transparent exterior, like a standard boiled sweet, but a twist of something else in the centre – something sinister lurks within, mayhap. I’m still sucking it as I type, so will revisit this once I’ve hit the middle.

UPDATE: Nope, nothing. A slight change in taste, but not the fizz explosion I was expecting – a blessed relief actually, as I’m feeling a bit delicate today. Perhaps a dud? I’ll try another.

UPDATE II: Here we go! A gentle fizz. Nice. I like these.

5. Jammie Dodgers, Burton’s Foods Limited

These were actually the first to be devoured when I opened the box, because we had no biscuits in the house and I felt like a biscuit. Very fortuitous. Shortbready biscuit with jam in the middle. Quite nice, good sort of no-nonsense biscuit one might have with a cup of tea.

6. Fig Rolls, Jacob’s

Likewise an excellent accompaniment to a cup of tea, Jacob’s Fir Roll is a pillow-shaped, softer biscuit than the Jammie Dodger with a figgy centre instead of jam. I quite liked these. The packet also displays some congenial input from the proprietor, which (to me) demonstrates a certain about of pride in the product. Well done, Mr or Mrs Jacobs! Fore example, it reads “a good source of fibre”. This is good – I am a great advocate of foods that contain some level of goodness that can at least partially absolve your guilt as you consume them. (I often regale strangers in pubs with my theory that brewers should manufacture a beer rich in vitamin C, for this reason.) “How do Jacob’s get the Figs into the Fig Rolls?” it adds. With a machine I should imagine, but for some reason the packet does not provide an answer.

7. Mr Chews, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

A colourful wrapped reveals a colourful Drumstick-like sweet but not on a stick. Similar in taste and consistency to the Drumstick, but subtly different, I can’t put my finger on it. Wait – is that a hint of marzipan? No of course it isn’t, how stupid would that be. Mr Chews also have a “Mr Men” character on the front which made me wonder how they avoided copyright infringement notices from the estate or Roger Hargreaves. I can only surmise they bought the rights for the Mr Chews character off a tobacco company, perhaps.

8. Generic Boiled Sweet, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Good, no-nonsense fare from the Swizzels Matlow people. Basically a boiled sweet. Well, it is a boiled sweet, no basically about it; like a Barley Sugar. No name though. I suggest the “Bastard”.

9. Climpies, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

“Climpies”? What sort of a name is that? What sort of a name is the Bastard then, you might well ask, and that is a damn good question. I won’t try to answer – I know when I’m beaten. The Climpie is a tiny, round softish boiled sweet, with a fruity flavour. It comes in a pack of four, and are quite addictive. I like these too.

10. Fizzers, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Fizzers are similar to Love Hearts in that they are small, disk-like sweets with a slightly fizzy feel on the tongue, like sherbet thought milder. No encoded messages though, not that I can see anyway.

11. Fruity Pops, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

The Fruit Pop is a fruit flavoured boiled sweet on a stick with a slightly tangy flavour. It looks like a Chupa Chup though with a brittle, harder consistency. Nice taste though – I think this would be amongst my favourites.

12. Parma Violets, Swizzels Matlow, New Mills, High Peak, Derbyshire

Similar in appearance to the Fizzers, although violet in colour, and with a distinctly non-fizzy taste. According to some information I found on the web they have “violet” taste. I can’t really confirm or deny this. Definitely a milder taste than the Fizzers, but I think I would go for the Fizzers or Love Hearts over these.

In conclusion, I once again express my thanks for this latest box of goodies, and would offer my picks of the bunch as Pork Crackles, Orange Fizzy, Fig Rolls, Climpies, and the humble Fruity Pop. They are a credit to your fine nation, and not least to the fine people at Swizzels Matlow – well done, sirs and madams! Anyway I shall endeavor to ensure that the next batch of stuff from Australia meets this high standard, but until it arrives, good day and God bless.

27th August 2008

Flying Saucers Filled Not With Cocaine, But Sherbet

Filed under: From the UK — Tags: — Burrage @ 1.58 pm
First off, I must apologise for the time taken to write this report. The latest box of UK goodies arrived in July, and it’s taken me several weeks to knuckle down and write a review. I have a good excuse though; Australia sprung a leak at the start of July, and started listing badly towards Victoria and New South Wales. It was all hands manning the pumps for quite a few weeks, but luckily the continent eventually righted itself and divers are currently trying to plug the hole. No idea what happened probably collided with New Zealand again.

Second, I applaud both the generosity of P. J. Harvey, and the diligence of Australian customs, who appear to have got all over-exited with the filming of ‘Border Security’ or something and gone berserk searching for cocaine. Well, they didn’t find any, because it was safely tucked away in the “secret compartment”, so well done Mr Harvey; good job.

To business! The contents of the aforementioned box, in no particular order:

1. Candy House Flying Saucers

“300 pcs x 2 p” reads the label, suggesting that these UFO-shaped sherbet filled wafers are meant to be sold singly for 2 p each? I actually found it almost impossible to stop eating them, and agree with Mr Harvey – the basic of unit of sale should indeed be by the “honking great plastic container”. Luckily they arrived in such a plastic container which was adequate for my needs. Delicious!

10/10

Two asides:

  1. I was speaking to this Irish bloke at work about these, and he reckoned that they were the ‘unpopular’ sweetie; always the last to be taken in a bag of mixed lollies. I asked PJ about this, and he told me that was rubbish. I concur.
  2. When I opened the box, a great many of the saucers had been broken open, apparently in a frenzied search for drugs. The customs officials appeared unable to stop at one, because the box was much awash with sherbet. However, I feel pretty much the same about eating them, so I empathise to a degree.

2. Cadbury’s Honeycomb Chocolate

Quite nice. You really can’t go wrong with chocolate, and even less so with honeycomb in it. It didn’t taste quite like Australian honeycomb chocolate though, although this was neither a bad thing nor a good thing. Just different. You say tomato, I say tomato, etc., although obviously this lyric loses something in print.

8/10

3. Fox’s Caramel Rocky

Very nice, these. Chocolate biscuits with wafer and caramel, very much like Australia’s Caramel Crowns, a favourite biscuit of mine. I don’t have much to say about these, except they were very nice, and I ate the whole pack very quickly indeed. In fact, the only thing that stopped me from scarfing the whole lot in one go was that I had to stop every now and then to eat more Flying Saucers.

9/10

So that’s pretty much it! Thank you again, and (hopefully, once I get my act together) there will be a box of similarly high quality fare heading to the UK soon.

30th March 2008

From the Antipodes

Filed under: From the UK — Tags: , , , , — Burrage @ 1.21 pm

Another bumper pack of UK goodies arrived the other week thanks to the generosity of the proprietor of this fine website. Again I feel both overwhelmed and guilty given the meager quantities of fare I’ve sent back in return, but nothing a shipping crate of Wagon Wheels won’t put right, eh?

I should also point out that the parcel arrived containing a cross note from Australian Customs complaining that they’d had a rummage inside and failed to find any heroin which just wasted everyone’s time (or somesuch) so I will be sure to include some opium in the shipping crate. Just to keep everyone happy.

Anyway, without further ado and in no particular order, we commence with:

Fruit Pastilles, manufacturer unknown

These were incredibly addictive! The sugary sweetness, fruit flavouring, and firm chewiness (highly superior to the ‘Gummi’ product, I have to say) made it almost impossible to stop eating them. And when I say ‘almost’ I mean ‘absolutely’ because the whole lot got wolfed down in several minutes and the wrapping thrown out before I had a chance to note down the manufacturer, for which I apologise profusely. Perhaps Rowntrees?

Here’s what Wiki says about Rowntree’s Fruit Pastilles:

‘Rowntree’s Fruit Pastilles’ (says Wiki) ‘are small round sweets measuring about 1.5 cm/0.6 in in diameter;’

Check

‘they have a jelly-like consistency,’

Check

‘almost like huge Jelly Tots’

Huge, eh? Now, ‘huge’ makes me think ’several orders of magnitude larger than’. I have a poor recollection of Jelly Tots, so perhaps these days they are indeed only nanometres in diameter, and so I will have to defer to Wiki on this matter.

‘Fruit Pastilles are covered in sugar’

Check.

‘Ice-lolly versions were originally made in Telford, Shropshire but are now made in Crossgates, North Yorkshire by Richmond Foods after it bought Nestlé’s ice cream division in 2001.’

Shropshire? Well, who knows. But I can’t rule out they were Rowntree‚’; anyway, enough time wasting. I give them 9/10.

On to:

Jacob’s Cheese Footballs

Jacob’s Cheese Footballs are small round savories measuring about 1.5 cm/0.6 in in diameter, and are probably not made in Shropshire. The box describes them as ‘light & crispy wafers with a soft cheesy centre’ which is about right. The cheese filling is quite salty and creamy, more like a cheese spread than cheese as such, but quite nice; reminds me of Christmas snacks we used to get when I was a kiddie.

The packaging is quite noteworthy too; it is a sturdy Pringles-style reinforced cardboard cylinder replete with instructions on how to recycle it. Namely, ‘this is the perfect tidy up and recycle activity. A place to put all your sweets, money or small presents you just opened on Christmas morning’. And why not! Good advice indeed. It also has jokes printed on it, e.g. ‘Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? A. He had low ELF-ESTEEM!’ Ha ha! Gracious.

7/10

The Fruity Malt Loaf, Soreen

‘The’, as opposed to ‘a’‚ Fruity Malt Loaf is to all intents and purposes exactly what the name says, a loaf that is fruity and malty. It’s really a lot like a chewy fruit cake. To be honest I’m not sure what to make of this one; it actually tastes quite healthy which is really the kiss of death as far as I’m concerned when it comes to tasty snacks. Although so attractively chewy it must be said; very much like the Pastilles. An acquired taste I think.

6/10

McVitie’s Penguin

Now this is more like it! Yum! McVitie’s Penguin(s) are individually wrapped biscuits measuring 7 x 3 x 1 cm, each one consisting of a piece of chocolate wrapped in biscuit wrapped in chocolate. Very tasty; a lot like the Australian Tim Tam though perhaps with a hint of aniseed. There’s not much more I can say about these, they are very nice. Although I must say like the name of the manufacturer. Just about all confectionery in Australia is made by a generic European company (e.g. Nestlé); there is very little that is typically Australian. So to see an unfamiliar name like ‘McVities’ (or Soreen) is all rather exotic.

9/10

1st January 2008

A Veritable Cornucopia of Snack Products

Filed under: From the UK, Savoury, Sweets/Candy — Burrage @ 6.43 am

For my first participation in Snacks Across the Pond, I sent¬†out two rather modest little packages – two Milo bars, one¬†to the UK and one to the US. I do not wish to pre-empt the reviews for this product, but let’s just say it’s very Australian (ie crap). So then, imagine my chagrin when a parcel arrived from the UK, almost literally BURSTING with goodies, to wit:

  • Hula Hoops (Original, Salt & Vinegar, and BBQ Beef)
  • Crunchie bars
  • Kit Kats

Such generosity made me feel very ashamed indeed. Anyway, I’ve started to munch my way through this bounty and although there’s a bit left, I feel I’ve reached a point where I can offer a satisfactory review. So here goes.

1. Hula Hoops (United Biscuits UK)

Hula Hoops are basically¬†small cylindrical chip-like thingies about 1 cm in diameter and depth; quite hard, but jolly tasty. The physical sensation of eating them is a little unusual, like eating little washers or something you might find in a hardware store. But very nice! I just polished off a packet while I was writing this. According to the packet they also have 55% less saturated fat. I’m not sure how much fat they used to have, but the statement makes you feel good about eating them, and that shouldn’t be underestimated. 8/10

2. Crunchie (Cadbury)

Crunchies are crunchy. That’s all you really need to know.¬† But, if you insist on knowing more, they are a honeycomb-wrapped-in-chocolate kind of caper, and¬†very nice they are too. Similar to the tooth-shattering Violet Crumble, though mercifully several levels down the Mohs hardness scale. 7/10

3. Kit Kat (Nestle)

They have Kit Kats in Australia too, but I was nevertheless very¬†happy to see them lurking in the box. By gee Kit Kats are good. Little wafer biscuity things coated in chocolate, slender, and usually four fingers to a packet. Best enjoyed straight from the fridge on a hot day, and rest assured it’s very hot in Perth, Western Australia (where I live (obviously)) right now. Yum! 9/10

John

3rd December 2007

There’s Something about Prawn Cocktail

Filed under: Crisps/Chips, From the UK, Savoury, Sweet, Sweets/Candy — Tags: , , — kerri @ 2.19 pm

Years and years ago, at least ten now, I experienced the most wondrous thing. On a visit to England, I had a go at some Wotsits, prawn cocktail flavor. Now, it sounded pretty gross, and I only tried them on a whim. Kind of like those booger-flavored Bertie Botts Beans.

But no. Gross was not to be, not with the old P.C. I couldn’t get enough. I tried the Walker’s P.C. crisps (they’re really potato chips, but I’ll call them crisps so as to not anger the gods of prawn cocktail). They, too, rocked my socks.

This was also the visit when I met the revered Crunchie Bar. The Crunchie holds a place of worship in my home. Their shiny gold labels adorn…well, ok, I saved a few of them, on a shelf in a closet. I like shiny things, but I’m not that much of a freak.

small packet of Skips, prawn cocktail flavorSo it was with divine wonder that I opened a parcel from Philip, and it contained both Crunchies AND the idols that are bags of prawn-cocktail Skips. Now, I’d not had Skips before. They are these lovely little discs, each looks a bit like a sand dollar, actually, only about an inch in diameter. They’re made of corn or rice or something, and they positively melt in your mouth. The prawn-cocktail flavor is perfect for the amount of solid food you’re getting, and at only 89 calories (USAian kcal) per bag, MANG. I could go on a diet with these.

OK, not so with the Crunchies. Not diet food. But ah, so sublime. I eat my Crunchies in an unconventional way — first I crack off the chocolate coating with my teeth, as much as I can, and only then to I revel in dissolving the sweet, crunchy honeycomb on my tongue. Why they don’t sell these in the US I will never understand. They’re similar to the Aussies’ Violet Crumble…but better, I think.

So, with this first parcel, Philip has helped me to rekindle two old flames…ahhh, sweet, sweet junk food love.

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